I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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