you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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