Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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