im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
