I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
