Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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