so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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