so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
