isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
