He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
