I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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