You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize