Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
