I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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