he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
