just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize