he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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