aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
