omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
