bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
