if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
