What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
