He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
