is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
