u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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