So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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