Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well you can't waste a boner
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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