she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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