Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
