I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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