Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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