This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
