K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is not my ceiling
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
