She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
