I CAN MOONWALK!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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