You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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