She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
