This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
