Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
