I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
