bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
