nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
