Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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