i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
