Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
