the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize