if i can run in heels then i can drive
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
