oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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