The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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