I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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