I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
