my phone needs a breathalizer
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
