You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize