I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
