I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
