im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
