i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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