the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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