We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
