is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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