Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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