I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
