i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
